Showing posts with label #boldlipsforsicklecell. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #boldlipsforsicklecell. Show all posts

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

[Guest Post] Bearing witness to sickle cell

Hello all, its time for another guest post.  This entry was sent by Neuyogi, a fellow Queen’s College Yaba Old Girl.  She has her natural hair blog https://livingcoily.wordpress.com/ documenting her natural hair journey.  Have a gander and appreciate!!

I’m still looking for guest posts so if you are inspired please send your entries to foxycleo@gmail.com.  

Back to Neuyogi post…………..


As a Nigerian who grew up in Nigeria, it is hard to go through life without encountering sickle cell disease (SCD) in some form. At the very least in a Nigerian movie. Fact or lie? Definitely a fact for me :) I became aware vaguely in primary school. But then in high school it hit home 'cos I got to see DrFoxyCleo go through crises. This experience actually helped inspire me to go into medicine. Then when I was 12 my first cousin was born. The cutest boy, however when he turned 2 he would come visit with a sling or cast around his arm sometimes and I asked why does he keep breaking his arm? And then being told that it wasn't broken, just swollen and painful from SCD . Since he was 2 and trying to get into things the cast/sling contraption helped immobilise the arm. He is the first in the family that I am aware of with the disease even though we have a number of carriers in the family, myself included. 

I remember my mom telling me how she once loved a guy and they were practically engaged but broke it off cos they were both carriers. My mom was in her 20s when this happened, while my aunt (my cousin's mom) met my uncle in her mid 30s and they got married even though both carriers. Made me wonder if age impacts these kinds of decisions? Growing up in Naija, it wasn't uncommon to meet a guy or girl you liked and after exchanging names, ages...then being asked about genotype. The first time I did that here too a guy I liked, he looked at me like I was bonkers. And then I found out lots of people here in the States, even Nigerians born here did not know their genotype, some did not know their blood groups i was astonished!

I did go into medicine and I have borne witness to sickle cell disease along the way. I volunteered in the sickle cell organisation for adolescents for 4 years and heard the dreams and fears of these young teenagers. It was there that we learned to refer to people as "patient with SCD" rather than "sickler". For some reason that lesson really impacted me, because it makes the SCD secondary to the person's identity rather than their whole identity and I believe it. None of the staff who work with me or even my co-residents when I was in training were allowed to call people Sicklers around me. It might be overkill but I believe in it. 

Some of my closest friends here have the disease and have gone through losing gall bladders, acute chest, transfusions etc. However, overall quality of life and care was better especially for those that used Hydroxyurea, which includes my cousin. He is 21 now and he has had 1 blood transfusion and 1 hospitalisation which is amazing! I also love that there does not seem to be a lack of romantic options for my friends and cousin, unlike in Naija when i was growing up and there was a pariah effect with some people. 

I have gotten to see patients being referred to as drug seeking and it was only in 1 case out of so many that this was actually true. I follow the sickle cell warrior blog and have found myself asking why not get a bone marrow transplant, but like my friend patiently explained, it doesn't go well for everyone and if you don't have frequent crisis might not be worth the risk. I remember the Kenyan lady I met at a conference, with SCD who married a carrier and had 2 kids without SCD by in vitro. I was amazed because with science and technology comes choices...but many religious pundits were outraged at this act of playing God. 

Most recently, my aunt had a serious medical condition requiring hospitalisation for many months. I went to see her and her husband, children and I took shifts to spend the night with her in the hospital. They have a family friend that is a nurse, who has a 22 year old son with SCD and when she heard my cousin with SCD was going to be included in the night shift rotation she was flabbergasted, and told me to tell my uncle to not allow it. I firmly told her I wouldn't do that because my cousin should not be placed in a bubble. I told her I have close friends with SCD  in med school and residency with me who took gruelling overnight call, long hours and survived. I told her my cousin has lots of water and gatorade in his overnight bag, and then added that if he were to have a crisis...then no better place than the hospital right and chuckled ....yeah she was not amused, and got off the phone angrily. I had heard that her son was in college, but he had a crisis so she pulled him out and now he lives at home and goes to community college, he lives under her wing and does not have many friends his own age, he does not work or drive. Yeah, that is all loving for a mother but not what I want for my cousin. 

My close friend recently got married 2 weeks ago to a fellow Nigerian and she is in her 2nd year of fellowship for paediatric haematology oncology. I am thrilled for all the patients that get to have her as a doctor! As there is nothing like a healthcare provider who actually gets it and what you are going through! I am so glad that her parents supported her dreams while supporting her during health issues unlike the nurse I mentioned it seems. I say it seems, because I have not walked in her shoes nor do I know her daily struggles, but I had another encounter regarding her son and that didn't leave me with a good impression either. 


Altogether, I am thankful that with each decade, there is increased awareness and resources for people with SCD to make quality of life better. Another friend, recently gave birth to a beautiful girl. Back in the day, people said it was suicide to have SCD and try to have a baby. So yes, there are ways to go but times a-changing and I am glad to bear witness!

Wednesday, 10 September 2014

SEX............. and the Grinch

SEX!!!  *giggle*



Now that is an exercise that everyone (especially in this part of the world) likes to pretend they don't do........ well those that aren't married...... and they be humping like rabbits.  Hypocrisy aside its an interesting exercise and tied in with the grinch it has lead to some interesting and compromising situations - I'm sure you're all gagging for my funny stories, maybe later....... over some dinner and a glass of wine.

First off, I'm about to vent right now, there are certain entities I would like to sue.  The first would be Walt Disney.  Fine as a kid sex is not the first thing on your mind when you watch the little mermaid or the princess and the frog, but hell……. that concept of happily ever after did not prepare me for the reality of sex and love - well that is another interesting topic for another post.

The next one is Mills and Boons.  At no point do ANY of those books prepare you for the messiness that is sex.  All those bodily fluids, the heat....the sweat..... the noises.... is not the pretty picture those books make it out to be.  

Rant over back to the real topic at hand.  Religion and morals aside, sex is one of the rights of passage growing up as a young buck.  From the moment you enter your teens, you talk about it, fantasize about it and for most of us lie about our experiences with it.  There isn't a rule book that tells you what to do or how to go about it........ most of us just muddle through trying to achive that sacred orgasim.

For Sicklers all of this applies in addition to what I call the Russian Roulette syndrome, let me explain.  While sex is a powerful & enjoyable experience (just ask Henry VIII, dude started a new religion just so he could bone Anne Boleyn) its also quite strenuous and can cause a crisis.  The act in itself, if done too rigorously - I know, I know porn has a lot to answer for - can cause an attack during (this totally sucks balls - pardon the pun) and after (at least there is the pleasure before the pain).  So Sicklers have to 'prepare' for the act.....we'll get to this later but know that as with everything the Grinch - spontaneous little devil - can still make an appearance.

I can hear the young ones complaining already....... why does one need to prepare for sex?  This totally kills the spontaneity of the situation, why can't I be like normal people that just do it???!!  This is just another thing the Grinch uses to complicate my life.  I hear you, but you know what? Sex is a wonderful thing........suck it up and deal.  You not taking care of yourself does not only affect you.  Case in point was when I carelessly had sex with an individual who didn't know I was a sickler after a wild nite out clubbing.  EPIC FAIL!!  The night ended with an ambulance ride to A&E and the poor man running for the hills thinking that he had 'broken' me.

The other point is this...... if you are pursuing a serious relationship with someone and you have a crisis every time you have sex best believe, despite how good the other person is, it will put a strain on your relationship.  

So how do you - the Sickler - prepare for 'la petite mort'?  I did a quick scan on the internet and I was pleasantly surprised that in other parts of the world people do talk about it....... in depth.  The Sickle Cell Warriors site had an interesting article that stressed the following points;

  1. Hydrate excessively.  Sex is a physical activity, and like all physical activities, you will perspire and lose bodily fluids. So drink water before, during, and after without shame.  Sure you might have to break to pee, but at least you won't be in pain after.
  2. Premedicate. For some, taking painkillers before sex helped to stem the tide of a mini-crisis afterwards.
  3. Talk to your partner.  Tell your partner that you might have some limitations around sex. Communication is essential and will help your partner be a vanguard of your safety. Tell him/her that you are excited about the boudoir session, but need to protect your health. 
  4. Listen to your body.  You must remember that “Pain is your Body telling you that You Need to Take a Break.” So when you are having sex, if you feel pain, stop. Change positions frequently so that you don't lose blood flow in any areas. And remember, you don't have to be going hardcore every single minute. Sometimes, it’s the pauses between sex that elevate your intimacy.
  5. Set the environment.  Your bedroom should not be too hot (you will sweat more and dehydrate faster), or too cold (you will vaso-constrict and sickle faster).  Choose a decent temperature, that is comfortable for nudity.  Men—remember that women have to be romanced in the mind first. Women—remember that men have to be seduced visually first.
  6. Frolic with Foreplay.  For people with sickle cell, foreplay is your friend. Foreplay gets your partner hot and bothered, and yet, it doesn’t have you over exerting yourself.  Don't rush the foreplay—drag it out, take it slow, and leave your partner simmering and almost about to explode.
  7. Be Safe.  Safety is key. Have fun, play hard, play safe, use condoms/birth control.  Make sure if you do plan to procreate, that your partner has been screened for SC trait. Better safe than sorry.

I hope this post has helped but I wonder if any of you have any tricks that you have found to help?  Don't hesitate to leave your comments and for those that are more sensitive my email is foxycleo@gmail.com.

Toodles!!!!

Monday, 1 September 2014

For September..........

Following my last post [My relationship with pain], a dear friend noticing my 'crappy' mood of late wrote this......

Pile on the love, pile on the awkwardness,
I’ll see what I want, feel what I choose.
Be human, be your freaking self,
Be beautiful, be limber, get loose.

Breathe, there’s enough air to go round,
Fly, let those inhibitions go (far away),
Plummet, it’s okay to be earthbound,
Look crashing in the face and scream, “Not today!”

Believe the hype, yes, you rock,
The ones telling you differently are blind.
Quote me (in your own defence), I know you well,
Your lovely eyes, your soft hands and your beautiful mind.

It’s hard right now, but it gets better,
I swear it gets better, the sun’s just hiding.
So those damned clouds? Pay them no attention,
To hell with the shadows, your glory will be blinding.

To Ore Fakorede thank you for your words...... they put a humongous smile on my face this morning.  Hope you don't mind but I thought your words were so beautiful I needed to share for those that need that much needed pick-me-up. 

This September is Sickle Cell Awareness month so I'm opening up my blog for anyone who has been affected by this disease to put their thoughts to paper and I will showcase your content.  Please send your entries to foxycleo@gmail.com.   For those on Instagram join in the #boldlipsforsicklecell campaign (yes men and women) on Instagram and let's get people talking!!  



Feeling the love, 
Toodles!!!