Traveling with the Grinch

So for my vacation I find myself in good old Blighty - the United Kingdom - for my baby sister's wedding (I don't care how old she is, she will always be my baby sister). I love Blighty, I grew up here, became who I am here, she's my second home. Blighty is where I learnt to take care of myself - on my own without parental assistance (best believe financially they were holding me down). Here is where I learnt that possibilities are endless so long as you're willing to take that first step. Blighty is where I learnt that no one is responsible for your welfare - you are.

I've never been one to take risks. The Grinch is a perfect excuse. 

"Lets go on holiday to Ibiza" 

"Man, I can't afford it" - the reality was always - hmmmm what if I have a crisis?

And sometimes the excuses creep into other scenarios.

"I can't be an investment banker, that job is too stressful"

"I can't take that course, what if I fall ill because of the stress?"

"I can't work out, I'm sure I will get sick"

"I can't go out, its too cold"

A Sickler's world can feel like its full of obstacles, obstacles that prevent you from being spontaneous or adventurous.  Family (bless 'em) in a bid to protect you can also reinforce those obstacles.  The reality is this, an obstacle is only an obstacle if you let it.

In my second year of university, I caught a bad case of 'itchy pants' syndrome and decided I didn't want to spend my third year in the UK.  So I applied to go on an exchange program to the University of Madison Wisconsin....... it was just a 'lets apply and see what happens kinda thing'.  I got it, in addition to a nice tidy scholarship - there was NO WAY the Grinch could mind fuck me to letting go of this opportunity. 

So off I went to Wisconsin, the 'America's Dairyland' - home to the cheeseheads, the Green Bay Packers, Garbage (The Band..... luv 'em) and the Wisconsin Badgers.  I was chasing my dreams, doing me, and then one night it almost came crashing down...... Hold on to that thought we'll get back to that shortly. 

For those Sicklers that are looking to go to university in the 'abroad' see this post as your idiots guide to survival health-wise. For those coming from a hot country, brace yourself because your body is going to have to adjust to your new environment. The change in temperature and humidity can be a clusterfuck. 

1.  Stay warm and more importantly stay dry. For the black females out there, you know that mantra about keeping your hair dry? Use that for the whole of your body. 

2.  The weather forecast is your best friend.  Nothing worse than stepping out of your house dressed for the summer and its autumn outside. 

3.  Drink loads of water, u might think you're not losing water because you aren't sweating. Big mistake, you are losing just as much water from central heating and the dry climate. 

4.  Get registered with a GP. If you can, dependent on your insurance options, get to see a hematologist. Based on your first meet, both of you can determine the frequency of your appointments. 

5.  Take your Penicillin. I do not deny that I am the most non-compliant patient so this tip is a tad hypocritical of me. In Nigeria the most common trigger of a crisis apart from stress is from infection - Malaria. Same could be said for the 'abroad' except it's chest infections. 

6.  Get your annual flu jab. The flu is no joke. Imagine having the flu, and then have a bad crisis aggravated by said flu AT THE SAME TIME? Not fun.........

Back to my anecdote.  Madison, Wisconsin is located in north-central USA, a mere 4 hrs drive from Chicago, Illinois.  Its a pretty quiet town with everything going for it........ except its fucking cold in the winter!!! So you guessed it, I fell ill...... constantly.  One particular night, the pain was excruciating and I couldn't breathe.  I had a flash back of annoyance  I remembered I didn't protest enough when the boyfriend at the time informed me he was going to Atlantic City with his Frat Brothers. (for those of you in the know, you can only imagine where and what he and his brothers were up to). Long story short, I woke up in ICU three days later. I have no conscious perception of what happened within those days.  What I do know is that I had had an acute chest crisis, which had required a blood transfusion. My parents freaked out!!  My mother - who I call my personal stalker - had located me in hospital (all the way in the abroad) and I spent the next two days trying to dissuade her from jumping on a plane to Madison Wisconsin.  

At that point, I could have left the U.S. with plausible reason and abandon my course. For me that was not an option. The thing is this - for whatever reason I was born with this condition but there was no way in hell it was going to run my life. Don't get me wrong I did run back home to my family........ It was a sorry sight. I had lost over a quarter of my weight, two dress sizes, and I had to use a crutch (I'll save that for another post) but when summer school started (despite my mum's pleas) I was back on a plane to Madison to make up my credits. 

So what's the moral here? 

God never gives you anything you can't handle. If he did, you would be dead. So don't use your 'hang-ups' as an excuse not to follow your dreams. That would be a total waste. Don't settle and kick arse. Apart from my mishap I had a fabulous time, an unforgettable experience and a sense of drive which keeps me going even now. It was from my time in the U.S.  I realized that getting a PhD was not impossible. 

So take risks (within reason) and live your life to the fullest!!!  Take precautions - you never know when it will save your life and just live. You have the right too. You're here aren't you?

So with that I'm gonna go enjoy the rest of my vacation. 

Toddles!!! 

SEX............. and the Grinch

SEX!!!  *giggle*

Now that is an exercise that everyone (especially in this part of the world) likes to pretend they don't do........ well those that aren't married...... and they be humping like rabbits.  Hypocrisy aside its an interesting exercise and tied in with the grinch it has lead to some interesting and compromising situations - I'm sure you're all gagging for my funny stories, maybe later....... over some dinner and a glass of wine.

First off, I'm about to vent right now, there are certain entities I would like to sue.  The first would be Walt Disney.  Fine as a kid sex is not the first thing on your mind when you watch the little mermaid or the princess and the frog, but hell……. that concept of happily ever after did not prepare me for the reality of sex and love - well that is another interesting topic for another post.

The next one is Mills and Boons.  At no point do ANY of those books prepare you for the messiness that is sex.  All those bodily fluids, the heat....the sweat..... the noises.... is not the pretty picture those books make it out to be.  

Rant over back to the real topic at hand.  Religion and morals aside, sex is one of the rights of passage growing up as a young buck.  From the moment you enter your teens, you talk about it, fantasize about it and for most of us lie about our experiences with it.  There isn't a rule book that tells you what to do or how to go about it........ most of us just muddle through trying to achive that sacred orgasim.

For Sicklers all of this applies in addition to what I call the Russian Roulette syndrome, let me explain.  While sex is a powerful & enjoyable experience (just ask Henry VIII, dude started a new religion just so he could bone Anne Boleyn) its also quite strenuous and can cause a crisis.  The act in itself, if done too rigorously - I know, I know porn has a lot to answer for - can cause an attack during (this totally sucks balls - pardon the pun) and after (at least there is the pleasure before the pain).  So Sicklers have to 'prepare' for the act.....we'll get to this later but know that as with everything the Grinch - spontaneous little devil - can still make an appearance.

I can hear the young ones complaining already....... why does one need to prepare for sex?  This totally kills the spontaneity of the situation, why can't I be like normal people that just do it???!!  This is just another thing the Grinch uses to complicate my life.  I hear you, but you know what? Sex is a wonderful thing........suck it up and deal.  You not taking care of yourself does not only affect you.  Case in point was when I carelessly had sex with an individual who didn't know I was a sickler after a wild nite out clubbing.  EPIC FAIL!!  The night ended with an ambulance ride to A&E and the poor man running for the hills thinking that he had 'broken' me.

The other point is this...... if you are pursuing a serious relationship with someone and you have a crisis every time you have sex best believe, despite how good the other person is, it will put a strain on your relationship.  

So how do you - the Sickler - prepare for 'la petite mort'?  I did a quick scan on the internet and I was pleasantly surprised that in other parts of the world people do talk about it....... in depth.  The Sickle Cell Warriors site had an interesting article that stressed the following points;

1. Hydrate excessively.  Sex is a physical activity, and like all physical activities, you will perspire and lose bodily fluids. So drink water before, during, and after without shame.  Sure you might have to break to pee, but at least you won't be in pain after.
2. Premedicate. For some, taking painkillers before sex helped to stem the tide of a mini-crisis afterwards.
3. Talk to your partner.  Tell your partner that you might have some limitations around sex. Communication is essential and will help your partner be a vanguard of your safety. Tell him/her that you are excited about the boudoir session, but need to protect your health. 
4. Listen to your body.  You must remember that “Pain is your Body telling you that You Need to Take a Break.” So when you are having sex, if you feel pain, stop. Change positions frequently so that you don't lose blood flow in any areas. And remember, you don't have to be going hardcore every single minute. Sometimes, it’s the pauses between sex that elevate your intimacy.
5. Set the environment.  Your bedroom should not be too hot (you will sweat more and dehydrate faster), or too cold (you will vaso-constrict and sickle faster).  Choose a decent temperature, that is comfortable for nudity.  Men—remember that women have to be romanced in the mind first. Women—remember that men have to be seduced visually first.
6. Frolic with Foreplay.  For people with sickle cell, foreplay is your friend. Foreplay gets your partner hot and bothered, and yet, it doesn’t have you over exerting yourself.  Don't rush the foreplay—drag it out, take it slow, and leave your partner simmering and almost about to explode.
7. Be Safe.  Safety is key. Have fun, play hard, play safe, use condoms/birth control.  Make sure if you do plan to procreate, that your partner has been screened for SC trait. Better safe than sorry.

I hope this post has helped but I wonder if any of you have any tricks that you have found to help?  Don't hesitate to leave your comments and for those that are more sensitive my email is foxycleo@gmail.com.

Toodles!!!!

For September..........

Following my last post [My relationship with pain], a dear friend noticing my 'crappy' mood of late wrote this......

Pile on the love, pile on the awkwardness,
I’ll see what I want, feel what I choose.
Be human, be your freaking self,
Be beautiful, be limber, get loose.

Breathe, there’s enough air to go round,
Fly, let those inhibitions go (far away),
Plummet, it’s okay to be earthbound,
Look crashing in the face and scream, “Not today!”

Believe the hype, yes, you rock,
The ones telling you differently are blind.
Quote me (in your own defence), I know you well,
Your lovely eyes, your soft hands and your beautiful mind.

It’s hard right now, but it gets better,
I swear it gets better, the sun’s just hiding.
So those damned clouds? Pay them no attention,
To hell with the shadows, your glory will be blinding.

To Ore Fakorede thank you for your words...... they put a humongous smile on my face this morning.  Hope you don't mind but I thought your words were so beautiful I needed to share for those that need that much needed pick-me-up. 

This September is Sickle Cell Awareness month so I'm opening up my blog for anyone who has been affected by this disease to put their thoughts to paper and I will showcase your content.  Please send your entries to foxycleo@gmail.com.   For those on Instagram join in the #boldlipsforsicklecell campaign (yes men and women) on Instagram and let's get people talking!!  

Feeling the love, 

Toodles!!!